From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated
that English should have male and female nouns. Readers were asked
to assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and explain their reasons.
The best submissions: SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male. Even though it appears useful for a wide
variety
of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - female. They always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE - male. It goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male. To get it to go anywhere, you have to light a
fire
under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part...
SPONGES - female. They are soft and squeezable, and they retain water.
WEB PAGE - female. It's always getting hit on.
SHOE - male. It's usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female. Once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an
effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed, and
it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS - male. They hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.
SUBWAY - male. It uses the same old lines to pick up people.
HOURGLASS - female. Over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male. It hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female. It gives man pleasure; he'd be lost without
it;
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.
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posted 12-22-2001 11:40 PM
