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Author
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Topic: Tell me you're worth it....
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MrWesson22
Gearhead Posts: 541
From: Dacula, GA
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-12-2001 12:08 AM
   
My fiance just told me Friday night she made out with another guy at a party Halloween night. This isn't the first time she's done this, but the other time she was drunk. We're on a break now (my doing). I love her to death, but this is killing me. If there's no trust in the relationship, what do we have?? I'm just at a loss for what to do here.. 
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Neal
Member #723
[email protected] AIM: MrWesson22 69 Gulfstream Aqua Grande
351C/Toploader 4sp
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wythors
Gearhead Posts: 2590
From: The cold, gray Pacific Northwest
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-12-2001 06:10 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MrWesson22:
If there's no trust in the relationship, what do we have??
Absolutely nothing.
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ccode67
Gearhead Posts: 601
From: douglasville,ga,usa
Registered: Mar 2001
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posted 11-12-2001 08:24 AM
Sorry Neal, been there and had it done to me, only advice I can give is to move on, there are plenty of women out there and a lot of them are not like that. Keep yourself occupied so you don't think about it and it will pass.
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Stuart MCA #48902
M&M #1091
67 stang 5 speed
91 f-150 xlt
98 explorer xlt sohc v-6
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Ked
Moderator Posts: 6484
From: Don't Let Your Mind Wander....it's Far Too Small to Be Out There By Itself!
Registered: Jul 99
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posted 11-12-2001 08:16 PM
I'd stay away, Neal. If she has done this and your engaged, it won't change once your married.....Too many fish in the sea just to settle for an ole' Tuna!
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MrWesson22
Gearhead Posts: 541
From: Dacula, GA
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-12-2001 09:03 PM
I know, I know. I just love her so much though. I told her do whatever the hell she wants to do for as long as she wants but don't call or talk to me during all this. When she gets it out of her system, she's welcome to call me. I'm going to give her one last chance. I made it very clear that she should not call me until she's ready to be 100% committed and that there will be no more chances after this. If she does anything, it's over for good. I'm a pushover, I know. Well, just a love slave I guess.
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Neal
Member #723
[email protected] AIM: MrWesson22 69 Gulfstream Aqua Grande
351C/Toploader 4sp
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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator Posts: 20027
From: Saco, Maine USA
Registered: May 99
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posted 11-12-2001 09:12 PM
Not a love slave, just young. After a while you'll get sick of being a doormat. Remember, people will only give you as much crap as you are willing to stand there and take. Advice from an old guy.  ------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC
My Photo Page
I only want two things from life: I want patience and I WANT IT NOW!!!
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John Holloway
Gearhead Posts: 461
From: Romeoville Illinois
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted 11-12-2001 10:10 PM
Man Steve,You hit the nail on the head,You are 100% right,Neal it's all about trust,you do not deserve to be sh.t on!I am friendly to everybody but I only give people 1 chance,And only 1 chance I don't care what kinda day they had,When somebody treats me like crap it's like they died because I will never talk to them again!!!It's like this Neal,life is too short if you can't trust someone, why be with them? How can you love if there is no trust.
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kwazykat
Moderator Posts: 4725
From: me??? what planet are YOU from!!?.... heh heh heh..... M&M member #92
Registered: Jun 99
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posted 11-12-2001 11:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by John Holloway:
.....How can you love if there is no trust.
you cant.
you can only continue to feed a bad habit and confuse it for "love"...
get out while the gettin' is good boyfrinn!! kk
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Dave Witthoeft
Gearhead Posts: 1264
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-13-2001 01:57 AM
Don't play the field, Own the field. Change the rotation.
Always be honest and up front,comunication is the key.
If you don't have trust, don't bother.There's 3 Billion girls out there. Thats something like three girls a second for the rest of your life.
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ccode67
Gearhead Posts: 601
From: douglasville,ga,usa
Registered: Mar 2001
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posted 11-13-2001 08:05 AM
If you wait too long to move on, you end up like me, staying in the relationship to be there for the children, I can't dream of not being there everyday to spend time with my daughter, that means I have to find other activities to keep me away from a woman I no longer trust, when my little girl is older and moving on herself, I will move on too.Move on now, find a woman you have things in common with and will be faithful and truthful. Good Luck.
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Ked
Moderator Posts: 6484
From: Don't Let Your Mind Wander....it's Far Too Small to Be Out There By Itself!
Registered: Jul 99
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posted 11-13-2001 10:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by ccode67:
If you wait too long to move on, you end up like me, staying in the relationship to be there for the children
Neal, I can't stress the importance of not allowing this to happen to you!!! Once the kids come along.... things are so different!
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Dave Witthoeft
Gearhead Posts: 1264
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-13-2001 04:00 PM
And if the relationship breaks up after there are kids, then it gets reeeeal expensive!
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John Holloway
Gearhead Posts: 461
From: Romeoville Illinois
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted 11-13-2001 05:03 PM
Boy You bet Dave,I am giving $400.00 for Child Support with a 3% increase every Feb.1st for another 11yrs.,My Son asked me 6mo. ago how come I don't live with him and his Mom,My reply has....I will Tell You when you turn 18,He told his Mom what I said,For the past 5mos.She has been so nice to me, I can't Figure out why,(hehehe) Mabey scared at what I might tell? You see I don't Forgive,and I don't Forget!!!Neal Just for kicks find out how much you would be giving a month for child support,here in Illinois it's 20% for 1 child,could you live on 80% of your money? I get my Son every Tuesday and every other weekend so I have to go now and pick him up.Good Luck
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Ken&Shell
Gearhead Posts: 233
From: Mocksville, NC
Registered: May 2000
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posted 11-13-2001 05:15 PM
Neal,, You've been given some pretty good advice already. I am gonna add one thought for you. All relationships are built on give and take. The ones that last are ones that are equal. 50% give and 50% take. Occasionally, that load will shift and it may be 60/40 or something else. Those are repairable. But when it gets to be a relationship where one gives 95% and the other gives 5%, there is no future there. You are giving her love, support, faithfullness, and who knows what else, and what are you getting? Think about it and I am sure you will see more clearly and make wiser decisions. We have all been in love, and had to make hard decisions. You have a hard decision. If you have given her room before, taken her back, you are now engaged, and she still took all that forgranted and had her little halloweed event, you have given way more than 95%. It is easy for any of us to sit in our chair and tell you what to do but you need to make the decision yourself. But we are all sharing a little of the hard lessons we have had to learn over the years.Shell
ladyracer
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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator Posts: 20027
From: Saco, Maine USA
Registered: May 99
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posted 11-13-2001 08:01 PM
When my first marriage broke up I thought it was the end of the world. My ex-wife fooled around on me and had me so wrapped around her finger she had me believing it was my fault! I felt like a total failure. I thought it was the end of the world.But most hardships in life serve to case-harden you. Like the old saying goes; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Now I realize that losing her was the best thing that ever happened to me! Since then, NOBODY has ever crapped on me again. When I finally started dating again, if a girl ticked me off the slightest bit, she was history! I wasn't a jerk about it, but I just lost the ability to be jerked around. {That's when I found out what drive women crazy is when you act non-chalant!} Then I met my current wife, who is the kindest, most understanding, most perfect woman in the world. Each day I am amazed at how lucky I am to have her! If my first marriage hadn't of gone sour, I never would have met my current wife and I would never have known what true happiness is. What amazing in life is that how sometimes what seems like the worst thing that could happen to you often ends up being the best. ------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC
My Photo Page
I only want two things from life: I want patience and I WANT IT NOW!!!
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wythors
Gearhead Posts: 2590
From: The cold, gray Pacific Northwest
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-13-2001 09:53 PM
What Steve said.
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MrWesson22
Gearhead Posts: 541
From: Dacula, GA
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-14-2001 10:52 AM
I appreciate all the advice. I'm going to sit back and let her have her time to get whatever it is out of her system (I'll be dating during all this too). She can call me when she's done and I'm still going to give her one last chance. This girl is amazing - I've been in relationships before - one over 2 years - and I've never met anyone like her. I'll give her one last chance when she wants it, but if she screws up again, that's it. This is what I told her before, so I'm going to have some integrity and stick by it. I've never lied to her before and I'm not going to start now. I just think with as much as we've shared in the past we deserve one more chance. Up to this point, I'd say it's been about a 60/40 give and take split. She's done some wonderful things nobody else would do, but I have had to put up with crap of course. No relationship is perfect. In my limited 20 year old point of view, I just believe the difference between a relationship working and not working is the level of commitment to it you have 99% of the time. Every relationship has hardships. It's just whether you're willing and able to talk and work through them or you just give up on it that determines the end result.
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Neal
Member #723
[email protected] AIM: MrWesson22 69 Gulfstream Aqua Grande
351C/Toploader 4sp
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MoneyManager
Gearhead Posts: 283
From: Lyons, Illinois
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-15-2001 12:46 PM
Hang in there, If deep down in your heart you know she is the one, everything will work out. Hopefully Sooner than Later. It will feel like you rather die than dealing with what you know. Try and be strong, I know that it's hard to do. ------------------
"The MoneyManager"
Heide & Homes too!
Our Homepage  [This message has been edited by MoneyManager (edited 11-15-2001).]
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Mpcoluv
Gearhead Posts: 280
From: Charlotte NC usa
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted 11-15-2001 01:06 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MrWesson22:
I appreciate all the advice. I'm going to sit back and let her have her time to get whatever it is out of her system (I'll be dating during all this too). She can call me when she's done and I'm still going to give her one last chance. This girl is amazing - I've been in relationships before - one over 2 years - and I've never met anyone like her. I'll give her one last chance when she wants it, but if she screws up again, that's it. This is what I told her before, so I'm going to have some integrity and stick by it. I've never lied to her before and I'm not going to start now. I just think with as much as we've shared in the past we deserve one more chance. Up to this point, I'd say it's been about a 60/40 give and take split. She's done some wonderful things nobody else would do, but I have had to put up with crap of course. No relationship is perfect. In my limited 20 year old point of view, I just believe the difference between a relationship working and not working is the level of commitment to it you have 99% of the time. Every relationship has hardships. It's just whether you're willing and able to talk and work through them or you just give up on it that determines the end result.
Neal, Run, Run now! Never see this woman again.
When I was your age (17 years ago) I was in a similar situation. I doubt this woman actually cares for you, no matter how much you love her. If a woman (or man for that matter) is willing to admit to cheating once much less twice, then it is probably a reoccuring thing.
When the emotional pain subsides, you will be glad you never married her.
Best wishes.
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Jim Sams
'69 mustang Coupe
372C
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Dave Witthoeft
Gearhead Posts: 1264
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-16-2001 07:09 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Mpcoluv:
Neal, Run, Run now! Never see this woman again.
When I was your age (17 years ago) I was in a similar situation. I doubt this woman actually cares for you, no matter how much you love her. If a woman (or man for that matter) is willing to admit to cheating once much less twice, then it is probably a reoccuring thing.
When the emotional pain subsides, you will be glad you never married her.Best wishes.
I wish I would have run sooner than later. I'd still have my three and a half car garage!
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unklshu
Gearhead Posts: 486
From: San Bernardino, Ca
Registered: Jul 2001
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posted 11-16-2001 09:58 AM
I don't know the age of you two Neal but age can have a lot to do with it. I met my wife when she was only 16 and we dated for about 4 months. She never cheated on me nor I on her, but she broke it off with me. I knew she was too young and wanted her to be ready for a relationship before we dated again. She would call out of the blue every once and a while to say hi, I wasn't waiting around I was dating many people at this time a year and a 1/2 later we went on a date and 2 weeks later we started dating exclusivly. That was over 11 years ago and we have been married 8years now.
I am gone from the home for more than 12 hrs a day for work, if she had ever cheated on me we wouldn't be together today. And I know it is true the other way around.
Trust is something that you have to have in order to be secure in a relationship.Good Luck ------------------
joe
2001 SVT Cobra
68 GT Fastback
98 F-150
90 Escort GT (smokes the tires in all 5 gears, or just smokes through all gears)
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MrWesson22
Gearhead Posts: 541
From: Dacula, GA
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-16-2001 01:09 PM
I'm 20, she's 19.------------------
Neal
Member #723
[email protected] AIM: MrWesson22 69 Gulfstream Aqua Grande
351C/Toploader 4sp
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Dave Witthoeft
Gearhead Posts: 1264
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-17-2001 08:48 AM
It may not feel like it to you, but thats still prety young. You still have the blank check of youth.
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Fastymz
Gearhead Posts: 2514
From: Reno Nv
Registered: Apr 2001
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posted 11-18-2001 02:58 AM
Neal,I dont think theres anything wrong with seeing her again.After you both have had some time to think about things.But remember what she did to you and how you felt.If she can do this to the man she loves and that loves her.What else can she do to you.You have to able to live with this for ever.You would be better off to move on to some one that can give back to you what you give to her.Let her go on her way and you on yours.All of these people are giving you great advice and care about your feelings to.Listen to them,look at it from the outside.You would tell a good friend to move too.We have all loved and lost,and thats ok.Its the ones that have loved and hung on to long thats you heart gose out to.To make your own prison at such a young age.Love,laugh,smile,enjoy life, without the fear that the one you love will hurt you AGIAN. Ron ------------------
65 Coupe with a 351w, RPM intake,carter625,shorty 1-5/8 headers,2.5 exhaust,Flowmasters,Black Magic electric fan,stock C4,peg leg 8" 2:80,Big Boss 429 hood scoop,Cragers SS,Black Suede finish. https://mustangsandmore.com/ubb/Fastymz.html
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John Holloway
Gearhead Posts: 461
From: Romeoville Illinois
Registered: Jul 2000
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posted 11-18-2001 10:04 PM
It's better to be Unhappy Single,Than Unhappy Married
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Dave Witthoeft
Gearhead Posts: 1264
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 11-19-2001 09:50 AM
Yep.
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unklshu
Gearhead Posts: 486
From: San Bernardino, Ca
Registered: Jul 2001
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posted 11-19-2001 09:53 AM
My advice to you because of both your ages.....if you really truly love her break it off with her right now. Date other people and have real relationships with them, you may find that someone else will really make you feel more special, or you may find that the girl you're with right now is the girl for you.Even if this is the case she must also feel the same way or you have nothing!!!!!!
You may be able to contribute her infidelity to her young age,BUT....if she was your fiance she should have had the courage to braek up with you before being with someone else.
Good luck. ------------------
joe
2001 SVT Cobra
68 GT Fastback
98 F-150
90 Escort GT (smokes the tires in all 5 gears, or just smokes through all gears) [This message has been edited by unklshu (edited 11-19-2001).]
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AKBOSSMAN
Gearhead Posts: 2222
From: WASILLA , AK USA M&M #743 MCA #40857
Registered: Oct 2000
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posted 11-19-2001 05:27 PM
Good, (Women) come to those who wait!  Sixteen wonderful years, and I waited til I was 24 to marry. ------------------
WAYNE CURTIS
70 GRABBER GREEN BOSS 302
01 Focus ZX3
03 Boss 281 (waiting on order form)
92 SHELBY 4X4 (K-9 IDITAROD LEAD DOG)
http://www.iditarodtrail.com
"If your under control then your not going fast enough" Parnelli Jones
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redbird
Journeyman Posts: 5
From: muscatine,ia.
Registered: Jul 2001
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posted 11-19-2001 11:49 PM
weather you love a person or not you can only take so much. Believe me i speak from an on going divorce it hurts like hell for while but then you meet new people and it starts to change. It still hurts but not as much Redbird
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mustangs68
Moderator Posts: 13224
From: Hampton,Virginia,USA 1968 Fastback & 1995 Vert MCA#39406 M&M #12
Registered: May 99
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posted 11-20-2001 10:36 AM
someone sent this to me the other day..may help you too,You must grow outside a relationship to maximize your
growth within it. Heed the words of that great prophet Kahlil Gibran: "Give your hearts,
but not into each other's keeping... For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not
in each other's
shadow."
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Big D
Gearhead Posts: 2378
From: WELLS, NEVADA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted 11-20-2001 05:07 PM
Neal, Although you are hurting right now,, you are not the only person that has been through this... and Trust me on this, "Time Heals"...You have recieved some excellent advice... But you have to do what is right for you... Those decisions are not easy... and they don't get easier as you get older... But, when you are only 20 years old,,, Don't sit around and wait for anybody... Get back up and Kick A$$... Good Luck ------------------
Don
M&M Member #854
66 Brilliant Blue Fastback
302 with 5 speed
We Will Never Forget
Keep The Faith America
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TomP
Moderator Posts: 3344
From: Delta BC Canada
Registered: Dec 99
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posted 11-20-2001 07:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by AKBOSSMAN:
Good, (Women) come to those who wait!
(Tom looks at watch, then calendar)
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MrWesson22
Gearhead Posts: 541
From: Dacula, GA
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted 11-21-2001 12:00 AM
I'm not sitting around and waiting on anyone. I mean, I'm not going out looking for anyone else, but I have decided I would date other people if the opportunity arose and I wanted to while we're on a break. I sat around waiting for 4 years for a girl (all of high school). Although I still dated other girls during that time, I never got attached to anyone else as I was ultimately waiting for her. I'll never wait that long for anyone again. But Cynthia is worth waiting for for as long as she needs within reason.
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Neal
Member #723
[email protected] AIM: MrWesson22 69 Gulfstream Aqua Grande
351C/Toploader 4sp
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Mike65
Gearhead Posts: 1239
From: Columbia,NJ, USA. 65 Fastback, 69 Coupe MCA #-04549
Registered: Dec 2000
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posted 12-08-2001 11:58 PM
WALK no run now before its to late. 14 1/2 wonderful years & I waited until I was 29 to get married. Just my .02.(------------------
Mike & Robin
65 Mustang Fastback
69 Mustang Coupe
87 LTD CV
96 Ranger Extd Cab PU
99 Explorer Sport
M&M #- 890
MCA #- 04549 [This message has been edited by Mike65 (edited 12-09-2001).]
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