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Author Topic:   Hamsters
MissingCat
Gearhead

Posts: 372
From: Three blocks east of Alpha Centauri, then turn left at the Esso station
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 01-28-2002 01:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MissingCat   Click Here to Email MissingCat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I found this funny...

>Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.
>
>Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to
tell me there was
>"something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his
room.
>
>"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. I'm serious, Dad. Can
you help?"
>
>I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into
his bedroom. One of
>the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I
immediately knew what to do.
>
>"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"
>
>"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

>
>"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
>
>I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
>
>"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage,?" she
inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
>
>"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my
most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
together).
>
>"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
>
>"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she
informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
>
>By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
shrugged, deciding to
>make the best of it.
>
>"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're
about to witness
>the miracle of birth."
>
>"OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
>
>"Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to do with a litter of
tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
really do think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?)
>
>We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second
later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
>
>"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
>
>"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
>
>"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it
next appeared, giving
>it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the
same results.
>
>"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they
could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern
here with the females in my house?)
>
>"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with
my son holding the cage
>in his lap. Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
>
>"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can
be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she
does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
>
>The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
animal through a magnifying glass.
>
>"What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.
>
>"Oh, very interesting," he murmured.
>
>"Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
>
>I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
>
>"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
>
>Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In
fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."
>
>"What!?"
>
>"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into
maturity, like most male species, they um.... er....
masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed,
glancing at my wife.
>
>"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
>
>We were silent, absorbing this.
>
>"So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife offered.
>
>"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
>
>More silence.
>
>Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then
even laugh loudly.
>
>"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my
flawless manliness.
>
>Tears were now running down her face.
>
>"It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny
little..." she gasped for more
>air to bellow in laughter once more.
>
>"That's enough," I warned.
>
>We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our
son back into the car. He was glad everything was
going to be okay.
>
>"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

>
>"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.


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AKBOSSMAN
Gearhead

Posts: 2362
From: WASILLA , AK USA M&M #743 MCA #40857
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 01-28-2002 02:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AKBOSSMAN   Click Here to Email AKBOSSMAN     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG! not going there

------------------
WAYNE CURTIS

70 GRABBER GREEN BOSS 302

01 Sangria Red Focus ZX3
03 Boss 302 (5.0) (waiting on order form)
92 SHELBY 4X4 (K-9 IDITAROD LEAD DOG)
My old '71Torino GT
"If your under control then your not going fast enough" Parnelli Jones

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Ked
Moderator

Posts: 6560
From: Don't Let Your Mind Wander....it's Far Too Small to Be Out There By Itself!
Registered: Jul 99

posted 01-28-2002 03:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ked   Click Here to Email Ked     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL!!! Wife's can be soooooo cruel!!!!

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kwazykat
Moderator

Posts: 4776
From: me??? what planet are YOU from!!?.... heh heh heh..... M&M member #92
Registered: Jun 99

posted 01-28-2002 03:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kwazykat   Click Here to Email kwazykat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ked:
LOL!!! Wife's can be soooooo cruel!!!!


especially those ones with .... hampsters ....
pick a rodent ... fill in the blank....
hahahahahahahahahahahahaa
oh.... teeeeheeeeee...... nevermind.....
hahahahhahahhahaaa..... oh really!
its nothing.... i assure you!!!


kk

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Fastymz
Gearhead

Posts: 2872
From: Reno Nv
Registered: Apr 2001

posted 01-28-2002 04:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Fastymz   Click Here to Email Fastymz     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ernie smiled and went right to sleep.
You have a new bond with him now.
SCOOP

------------------
65 coupe,351w,RPM intake,Carter625,shorty headers,2.5 exhaust, Flowmasters,C4,open 8" 2:80,Big Boss 429 hood scoop,Crager SS,Black Suede.
MEM#1240

https://mustangsandmore.com/ubb/Fastymz.html

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MissingCat
Gearhead

Posts: 372
From: Three blocks east of Alpha Centauri, then turn left at the Esso station
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 01-28-2002 06:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MissingCat   Click Here to Email MissingCat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
HEY!!! This isn't me here! It was an email message I received - honest!

Besides - we don't have hamsters and both my kids are girls...

/me tries to dig himself out of a hole

[This message has been edited by MissingCat (edited 01-28-2002).]

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mustangs68
Moderator

Posts: 13357
From: Hampton,Virginia,USA 1968 Fastback & 1995 Vert MCA#39406 M&M #12
Registered: May 99

posted 01-28-2002 06:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mustangs68   Click Here to Email mustangs68     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yea..Missing Cat..and I don't have a Garage....you can call home and ask my wife

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mustangs68
Moderator

Posts: 13357
From: Hampton,Virginia,USA 1968 Fastback & 1995 Vert MCA#39406 M&M #12
Registered: May 99

posted 01-28-2002 06:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mustangs68   Click Here to Email mustangs68     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yea..Missing Cat..and I don't have a Garage....you can call home and ask my wife

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Snake
Gearhead

Posts: 222
From: Sechelt,British Columbia M&M1791
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-28-2002 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Snake   Click Here to Email Snake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

------------------
Dave
Snake's Place
Car Shows

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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 20744
From: Saco, Maine USA
Registered: May 99

posted 01-28-2002 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere   Click Here to Email SteveLaRiviere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"...I wonder if anybody'd think I flipped if I went to L.A., via Omaha?"

That was a cool song!

------------------

'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC

MCA Member # 47773

Of all the things I've lost, my mind is what I miss the most.

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AKBOSSMAN
Gearhead

Posts: 2362
From: WASILLA , AK USA M&M #743 MCA #40857
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 01-28-2002 07:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AKBOSSMAN   Click Here to Email AKBOSSMAN     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Who ownes that car with the Peace sign ,
Mag wheels
and 4 on the floor
?????????

------------------
WAYNE CURTIS

70 GRABBER GREEN BOSS 302

01 Sangria Red Focus ZX3
03 Boss 302 (5.0) (waiting on order form)
92 SHELBY 4X4 (K-9 IDITAROD LEAD DOG)
My old '71Torino GT
"If your under control then your not going fast enough" Parnelli Jones

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