Posts: 181
From: Mountlake Terrace, WA
Registered: Jul 2001

posted 12-16-2001 10:15 AM               

I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer
be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to
the overwhelming population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only
certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As
part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk
and cookies, so keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with
your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls.
However, there will be a few differences between us, such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sicker that
reads: "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson"
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace.
Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe; he dips a little though, so please have
an empty spit can ready.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..."
when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and LaBonte. On Rudd, on
Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee haw!" and you are also
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words
"Back Off!" The last I heard it also had other decorations on
the sleigh as well. One is a Ford logo with lights that race
through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa
Claus) peeing on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's A Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt
Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state police cars crashing
into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure
the wife and kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.
9. And, finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like,
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus
is Coming to Town". This year songs about Bubba Claus will be
played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song
titles will be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox";
Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas is My Woman and a Six
Pack"; and Johnny Paycheck's "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus,
Shove It".
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
(Member) North American Fairies and Elves Local #209

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Posts: 4399
From: orange county, nc , M&M member #92
Registered: Jun 99

posted 12-16-2001 11:31 AM               

...NOT!!!!
teeeeheeheeeeeee

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Posts: 342
From: Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 12-16-2001 04:31 PM               

Yee haw!!! I mean HO..HO..HO...

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Steve - M&M Member #690

'90 Limited Edition Mustang LX 5.0 Convertible
'67 Mustang Coupe

Member: Vancouver Island Mustangs Association; 1990 Limited Edition Mustang Registry
Steve's 1990 Limited Edition Convertible Website

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Posts: 1092
From: IL.
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 12-17-2001 03:37 AM               

I'm sure you are when the mood suits you.

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Posts: 29
From: North Pole
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 12-17-2001 11:47 AM               

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Ho-Ho-Ho
Santa Claus

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Posts: 18560
From: Saco, Maine MCA # 47773
Registered: May 99

posted 12-17-2001 01:05 PM               

Can y'all guess who this is?

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'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC

Christmas shopping? Why not use the
M&M Bookstore?

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Posts: 7607
From: Monterey, CA Mustangsandmore Member #437
Registered: Apr 2000

posted 12-17-2001 01:16 PM               

That's Joel!

Stewart

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Posts: 1636
From: Winston Salem, NC
Registered: May 2000

posted 12-17-2001 01:26 PM               

In the first place younns hasta be gooder 'n any mortal could ever thank..and KK,KED and I haint gittin' nuthin' cause they've been naughty and I ain't been nice!!!

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Posts: 1843
From: WASILLA , AK USA M&M #743 MCA #40857
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 12-17-2001 03:04 PM               

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WAYNE CURTIS
70 GRABBER GREEN BOSS 302
01 Focus ZX3
03 Boss 281 (waiting on order form)
92 SHELBY 4X4 (K-9 IDITAROD LEAD DOG)
http://www.akbossman.mustangsandmore.ws
"If your under control then your not going fast enough" Parnelli Jones

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Posts: 4399
From: orange county, nc , M&M member #92
Registered: Jun 99

posted 12-17-2001 03:11 PM               

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Posts: 6191
From: The Rolling Hills of Sand of North Carolina
Registered: Jul 99

posted 12-17-2001 08:47 PM               

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Posts: 7607
From: Monterey, CA Mustangsandmore Member #437
Registered: Apr 2000

posted 12-18-2001 01:14 AM               

Stewwie

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