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Author
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Topic: oil change :-)
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bluestreek
Gearhead Posts: 484
From: Athens,GA
Registered: Jul 2001
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posted 12-13-2001 11:21 PM
   
Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00 Total $21.00.
Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check
for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter,hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for
jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with
him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to
step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because
wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage
as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00 Total $4150.00
>-- But you know the job was done right!
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Ked
Moderator Posts: 6191
From: The Rolling Hills of Sand of North Carolina
Registered: Jul 99
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posted 12-14-2001 09:47 AM
yup....
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ccode67
Gearhead Posts: 490
From: douglasville,ga,usa
Registered: Mar 2001
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posted 12-17-2001 09:19 AM
You left out stripping the drain plug. 
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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator Posts: 18560
From: Saco, Maine MCA # 47773
Registered: May 99
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posted 12-17-2001 11:33 AM
You left out a zero on number one for the ladies instructions.  ------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC Christmas shopping? Why not use the
M&M Bookstore?
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AKBOSSMAN
Gearhead Posts: 1843
From: WASILLA , AK USA M&M #743 MCA #40857
Registered: Oct 2000
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posted 12-17-2001 03:10 PM
Also forgot getting a 6 figure fine from EPA and ordered to remove back yard to super fund site .------------------
WAYNE CURTIS
70 GRABBER GREEN BOSS 302
01 Focus ZX3
03 Boss 281 (waiting on order form)
92 SHELBY 4X4 (K-9 IDITAROD LEAD DOG)
http://www.akbossman.mustangsandmore.ws
"If your under control then your not going fast enough" Parnelli Jones
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MLariviere
Moderator Posts: 2033
From: Biddeford,Me.USA
Registered: May 99
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posted 12-18-2001 10:05 PM
MY theory: Women go to these quick lube places just to get oogled!  Some women just change the oil when the engine doesn't run anymore!  [This message has been edited by MLariviere (edited 12-18-2001).]
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kwazykat
Moderator Posts: 4399
From: orange county, nc , M&M member #92
Registered: Jun 99
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posted 12-19-2001 09:48 AM
THIS is exactly why i am a GRRL and not associated with the common classifications mostly associated with members of the female gender.... born or assumed.... heh heh heh
SO THERE!!!! 
kk
and god yes
i change the oil in ALL of my fords/mercs
.....without disasterous results!!! teeeheeee
silly boys! oh my.... i love silly boys.....
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Big D
Gearhead Posts: 2093
From: WELLS, NEVADA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted 12-19-2001 10:04 AM
I'm with Grrls on this one... And they usually have such goooood coffee toooo... Don
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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator Posts: 18560
From: Saco, Maine MCA # 47773
Registered: May 99
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posted 12-19-2001 08:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MLariviere:
Some women just change the oil when the engine doesn't run anymore!
Hey Mike, how about our brilliant brother Don? His trucks don't have oil in the crankcases, they have lapping compound!
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