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  No new jokes?

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Author Topic:   No new jokes?
BryanM
Journeyman

Posts: 78
From: Friendswood, TX
Registered: Dec 2005

posted 11-01-2006 11:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BryanM        Reply w/Quote
Have you guys really run out of new dirty jokes? It's been days since a new one has been posted. Where am I going to get my coffee break entertainment here at work now?

------------------
Bryan - 1965 coupe / front bench seat / 289 / T5.

68 Coop
Gearhead

Posts: 5847
From: Mesquite, NV. 89027
Registered: Oct 2004

posted 11-01-2006 01:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 68 Coop        Reply w/Quote
Just use the past topics button, and you can go back to the very first one ever posted, and work your way back to now. All the ones I ever posted just died so I quit trying. capri man is just one of many that will have you rolling on the floor.

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William
M&M# 4256
MCA# 64831

68 Coupe
289
C4
3:55's/Trac-Lok

capri man
Gearhead

Posts: 8777
From: doerun, ga.
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 11-01-2006 06:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for capri man        Reply w/Quote
here you go!!

>One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss
>them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
>
>In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he
>turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig
>it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
>
>He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became
>worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the
>door, their daughter came home with her date.
>
>After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could
>get the peanut out.
>
>The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two
>fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
>
>When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
>
>The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
>
>The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the young
>man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
>
>Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so
>wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows
>older?"
>
>The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-302-7.25 @93mph 1/8
1.54 60ft 50 % of the fun dragracing is meeting people who will give you the shirt off their back to wipe the grease off your hands.
M&M member #839 http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/mike470/adel2.jpg

wesred90gt
Journeyman

Posts: 84
From: joliet I L
Registered: Jun 2003

posted 11-01-2006 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wesred90gt        Reply w/Quote
i got one 4 ya

it goes in dry-comes out wet-the longer its in the better it gets-when it cums out it drips and sags. STOP thinkin nasty, its only a tea bag

exlocal
Gearhead

Posts: 1552
From: hacienda hts., CA, USA
Registered: Dec 2004

posted 11-01-2006 10:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for exlocal        Reply w/Quote
An oldie but a goodie. A traveling salesman's car dies in the countryside so he starts walking and comes upon a farm. He asks the farmer if he can spend the night there. The farmer says he can sleep in the barn, but he better not mess around with his two lovely daughters. The salesman agrees and proceeds to get ready for bed in the barn. He just couldn't get over how beautiful the daughters were, so he decided to take a chance and snuck into the main house during the night. During breakfast the next morning, the farmer asks the salesman how he slept and he replies that he slept like a rock. The farmer asks his first daughter how her night was and she replies that it was terrific. He asks his second daughter how her night was and she replies that it wasn't anything to cheer about. The salesman then asked the farmer how he slept last night and the farmer replies that it was okay, but he woke up with a nasty taste in his mouth...................

------------------
fsm

wesred90gt
Journeyman

Posts: 84
From: joliet I L
Registered: Jun 2003

posted 11-01-2006 11:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wesred90gt        Reply w/Quote
Ghost Sex ~

A professor at Texas A & M University was giving a lecture of the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe

in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shoot! From way back thar I thought you said...Goats."

BryanM
Journeyman

Posts: 78
From: Friendswood, TX
Registered: Dec 2005

posted 11-02-2006 07:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BryanM        Reply w/Quote
Thanks guys...

Keep it up...

------------------
Bryan - 1965 coupe / front bench seat / 289 / T5.

Scott H
Gearhead

Posts: 1480
From: Chicago area
Registered: Mar 2005

posted 11-02-2006 08:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scott H        Reply w/Quote
From commedian Billy Connolly (sp?):

When you're shaggin' a sheep, always do it near the edge of cliff, that way they push back a little.

68 Coop
Gearhead

Posts: 5847
From: Mesquite, NV. 89027
Registered: Oct 2004

posted 11-02-2006 08:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 68 Coop        Reply w/Quote
Ol' Bubba had me laughing so hard, I was rolling on the floor .

EDIT: First post just didn't sound right.

[This message has been edited by 68 Coop (edited 11-02-2006).]

SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 48752
From: Saco, Maine
Registered: May 99

posted 11-04-2006 07:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere        Reply w/Quote
On the first day of Sex Ed class the teacher asked the cheerleader sitting in the front row to go to the blackboard and draw a penis.

She then went up and drew a picture of a huge, erect penis. Embarrassed, the teacher said "Err, thank you Heather, but could you erase that and draw it the other way?"

She looked at him all confused and said "What other way?"

------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '70 Mustang Convertible - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150 XL

Blacksmith
Gearhead

Posts: 604
From: Front Royal, Va., USA
Registered: Feb 2006

posted 11-08-2006 09:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Blacksmith        Reply w/Quote
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS.
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT?S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHT NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?

I DON?T THINK SO.
FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS
WELL THEN COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WONT CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED FIX THE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I?M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON?T WANT TO FIX STEPS.

HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO

I?VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I AM GOING TO THE BAR!!!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS??????????????
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND
DECIDES TO GO HOME.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW?D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE
YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT
WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOOOOO??..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO

SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 48752
From: Saco, Maine
Registered: May 99

posted 11-08-2006 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere        Reply w/Quote
What a SLUT!

------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '70 Mustang Convertible - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150 XL

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