------------------
William
M&M# 4256
MCA# 64831

>One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss
>them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
>
>In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he
>turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig
>it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
>
>He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became
>worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the
>door, their daughter came home with her date.
>
>After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could
>get the peanut out.
>
>The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two
>fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
>
>When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
>
>The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
>
>The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took the young
>man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
>
>Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so
>wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows
>older?"
>
>The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

A professor at Texas A & M University was giving a lecture of the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe

in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Keep it up...

EDIT: First post just didn't sound right.

She then went up and drew a picture of a huge, erect penis. Embarrassed, the teacher said "Err, thank you Heather, but could you erase that and draw it the other way?"

She looked at him all confused and said "What other way?"

I DON?T THINK SO.
FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS
WELL THEN COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WONT CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED FIX THE DOOR?

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I?M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON?T WANT TO FIX STEPS.

HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO

I?VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I AM GOING TO THE BAR!!!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS??????????????
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND
DECIDES TO GO HOME.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW?D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE
YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT
WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOOOOO??..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON?T THINK SO