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Author
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Topic: police one liners!!
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capri man
Gearhead Posts: 8777
From: doerun, ga.
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted 09-25-2005 01:50 PM
 
Subject: Police One-Liners!
> >
> >
> >> The following were taken off of actual police car
> >> videos around the country.
> >>
> >>
> >> #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're
> >> new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
> >>
> >> #14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your
> >> birth certificate a worthless document."
> >>
> >> #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
> >>
> >> #12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
> >> didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from
> >> my gun."
> >>
> >> #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I
> >> guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
> >>
> >> #10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor,
> >> but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention
> >> that I am the shift supervisor?"
> >>
> >> #9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you
> >> not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
> >>
> >> #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
> >> drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
> >>
> >> #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a
> >> place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy,
> >> and step in monkey $#! *!."
> >>
> >> #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
> >> wife gets a toaster oven."
> >>
> >> #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
> >>
> >> #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
> >>
> >> #3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to
> >> have quotas but
> >> now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we
> >> want."
> >>
> >> #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend
> >> of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
> >>
> >>
> >> and the best one . . . . .
> >>
> >> #1 "you didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're
> >> right, we don't. .... Sign here."------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-302-7.25 @93mph 1/8
1.54 60ft 50 % of the fun dragracing is meeting people who will give you the shirt off their back to wipe the grease off your hands.
M&M member #839 http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/mike470/adel2.jpg
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68 S-code GT
Gearhead Posts: 3835
From: Sayreville, NJ, US
Registered: Mar 2000
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posted 10-04-2005 07:34 AM
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Dreamcometrue
Gearhead Posts: 903
From: New-Brunswick,Canada
Registered: Apr 2004
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posted 10-04-2005 08:03 AM
My brother-in-law is a cop and one day he pulled a car for speeding. When he arrived a the car, the guy (who was a judge!) asked him if he knew who he was. My brother-in-law then told him: " No I don't but if you give me your driver's license, I can tell you who you are." 
Rino 
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65_302
Gearhead Posts: 276
From: Bixby, OK
Registered: Jul 2001
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posted 10-04-2005 01:23 PM
I have a friend that was pulled over by a state trooper and the trooper asked to see his pilots license. My friend has his private single engine license so he gave them to the trooper who immediately started laughing and told him to slow down and have a good day. 
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DidgeyTrucker
Gearhead Posts: 1813
From: Greenbrier, TN USA
Registered: Oct 99
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posted 10-04-2005 08:28 PM
The pilot's license thing happened to a friend of mine, too.I heard this one night (I swear): "Attention all cars, Mr. Donut will be closing in 15 minutes" Tracy
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