*************
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if
our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at
1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a
special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patti

TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party (Rev'd 2)

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patti

TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party (Rev'd 3)

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only";
you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party (Rev'd 4)

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight
hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the
party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy
baggy.
Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers
to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person
asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will
have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for
those on a diet.
We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest for those people with
high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patti

TO: All F****** Employees
RE: The F****** Holiday Party (Rev'd 5)

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and
you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.! I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

TO: All Employees
RE: Patti and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patti a speedy recovery and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
*************

------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-302-7.33 @92mph 1/8
1.54 60 ft.