mustangmach
Journeyman Posts: 61
From: Clinton,OK,USA
Registered: Nov 2003
|
posted 07-19-2004 02:28 PM
   
> >>Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
> >>
> >>I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
> >>
> >>I'm still trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
> >>
> >>Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
> >>
> >>I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
> >>
> >>Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
> >>But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
> >>
> >>Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
> >>and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
> >>
> >>They say when you get old you have to stay in shape.
> >>My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she
> >>was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
> >>
> >>The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would
> >>not be caught dead in otherwise.
> >>
> >>Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing,
> >>a bank robbery has just taken place.
> >>
> >>I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
> >>other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
> >>stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
> >>
> >>I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
> >>language that
> >>makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think
> >>there's one
> >>other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum
> >>cleaners.
> >>
> >>The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
> >>suffering from some
> >>form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are
> >>okay, then it's you.
> >>
> >>TV ads show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've
got
> >>a
> >>bloodstained T-shirt, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
> >>
> >>I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
> >>"because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go. I think
> >>my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
> >>
> >>A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You
> >>know a
> >>cow was murdered for that jacket'? She sneered. I replied in a psychotic
> >>tone, "I
> >>didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"
> >>
> >>Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
> >>fish-burger and I realize, "Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow
> >>learner."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
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