From: Bin Laden, Osama [maimailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17AM
To: Cavemates
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We��ve all been putting in long hours but we��ve really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says ��There is no I in team�� as well as the one that says ��Hang In There, Baby.�� That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we cant forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while its good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don��t want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I��ve posted a signup sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, its not often I make a video address but when I do, I��m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we��re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we��re taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we��re not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We��re all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote ��Osama�� on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That��s all I��m saying.

Finally, we��ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Love you lots.