1. Drive past mall, remembers he needs a new set of
jeans, pulls into parking spot nearest men department,
runs in, finds correct size, goes to clerk and pays
for jeans, runs back to car. Elapsed time: 4 minutes.
2. Pulls out of mall parking lot and curses at
'wasting so much time in store' and thinks that they
should place jeans closer to door.
1. Decides to have a 'me' day, and plans mall shopping
for jeans three days in advance.
2. Drives to mall, sees red 'Check Engine' light, and
makes a mental note to look for a scarf in that color.
3. Walks into mall, goes to food court and has hearty
breakfast. Elapsed time: 50 minutes.
5. Stops in Hallmark store, spends 50 minutes finding
perfect card for friend's sister-in-law's niece who
might be getting married next spring. Elapsed time: 50
6. Goes into favorite trendy store and 'browses.'
Repeat at 47 favorite stores. Elapsed time: 4 hours,
8. Goes to food court for lunch, can't decide which
fast food counter to go to, decides to build a meal of
her favorites from 4 different vendors. Elapsed time:
1 hour, 20 minutes.
10. Stops at CVS, notices bar of soap for 99 cents,
laughs when she thinks people are stupid enough to pay
that when you can buy the same bar of soap downtown
for 89 cents. Elapsed time: 35 minutes.
11. Stops at the 'Nail Clinique' and gets a manicure
for $19.50 Elapsed time: 55 minutes.
12. Goes into another favorite store and sees a neon
green bikini, and tries it on in the dressing room.
13. Cries for 45 minutes when she sees herself in the
mirror and decides she looks like a lump of cottage
cheese wearing a neon green bikini.
14. Buys the neon green bikini anyway, because she
doesn't want the anorexic 15 year old clerk to think
she's too fat.
15. 15 year old clerk notices the rings around her
eyes and isn't fooled for a second.
16. Goes back to the food court and has a triple fudge
death by chocolate sundae and a diet soda. Elapsed
time: 45 minutes.
17. Goes into another favorite store and sees the
perfume everyone at work has been talking about, and
it's selling for only $98/ounce. Decides to save money
and buys the more economical 3 ounce bottle because
it's only $89/ounce. Elapsed time: 45 minutes.
19. Hears "Mall with be closing in 10 minutes..." on
intercom, and wonders why malls don't stay open 24
hours. I mean, hospitals and airports do.
20. Can't find car in parking. Tries her keys in the
door of 4 gray mini-vans, and begins to notice her
keys get stuck in the brands that are a different
Hits the 'Panic' button and hears a horn honking far
away on the other side of the mall parking lot.
21. Finds her car under the big 'Parking Section A'
22. Starts her car and sees the red 'Check Engine'
light, and remembers she never did look for a red
scarf, or jeans for that matter.
23. Begins to plan her next trip to the mall, maybe in
three days, because she doesn't want to over-do it.
'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '70 Mustang Convertible - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150