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Author Topic:   Can I get a shoulder here? O/T
sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-02-2003 05:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just a quick girly moment if you don't mind.....

Just mailing from my folks home approx 40 miles away from my own home. Just moved back after my partner of 6 years whom I love with all my heart broke up with me.

Having real hard time at moment. We never fought had heaps in common and were so perfect together. He said he needs time to sort his head out as he does not know what he wants anymore. He is not a b*stard and I don't hate him, but how do you get through those need to call him and hear his voice moments????

Any advice?
Sorry just had to vent........
Yours depressively..

Melanie

------------------
UK Stang-Grrrrrl!!!
1967 Candy Apple Mustang Coupe. (Sally67)
1986 Chevy Blazer S10

Sally67 pages

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capri man
Gearhead

Posts: 3953
From: doerun, ga.
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 10-02-2003 05:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for capri man   Click Here to Email capri man     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sally67:
He said he needs time to sort his head out as he does not know what he wants anymore.

Melanie



melanie, i dont want to get you down any more than you already are or sound negitive. but that usually means he has someone else and he aint got the cahoonas to tell you the truth!! his head hasnt changed since the day you met him. but something in his life has. if you give in now, it will only get worse down the road!! just my opinion, i could be wrong!! there are to many nice guys out there that would love to have a "mustang grrl"
see guys, i do have a sensitive side!!

------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-7.51 @89mph 1/8
1.54 60 ft.

http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/billswebsite/pg06.html

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adragon8u
Gearhead

Posts: 1658
From: Oceano, Ca.
Registered: Mar 2003

posted 10-02-2003 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for adragon8u   Click Here to Email adragon8u     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Melanie: I'm sorry to hear the bad news. I'm always disappointed when I hear of couples splitting. I'm sure all things will work out for the best in the long run. I know I'm still just a newbie here but my wishes go out to you to on this. At least you have some good friends here at M&M to help through this time. Hang in there girl.

------------------
66 coupe
289
C4 auto
90 ranger 2.3
95 Aspire
"someone who knows how will always have a job working for someone who knows why"
http://webpages.charter.net/adragon8u/mystang

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-03-2003 05:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by capri man:
that usually means he has someone else and he aint got the cahoonas to tell you the truth!!

As much as I appreciate your viewpoint and thanks for the supportive words, I don't believe that is the case.

His last long term partner was scr*win' someone for the most part of their relationship. I know how strongly he feels about this and i have given him many opportunities to come clean. We made a pact if someone else ever came along we would be honest. So on this basis (maybe foolishly) I believe him.
There are so many external influences that have caused him to get like this, which I won't bore you with, I just hope with or without me he gets himself sorted out.

Thanks though!

Melanie

[This message has been edited by sally67 (edited 10-03-2003).]

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-03-2003 05:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by adragon8u:
I know I'm still just a newbie here but my wishes go out to you to on this. At least you have some good friends here at M&M to help through this time. Hang in there girl.


Thanks a lot.... I know they are great, if somewhat too far away for a hug!!!
Newbie or not Thank you.

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capri man
Gearhead

Posts: 3953
From: doerun, ga.
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 10-03-2003 09:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for capri man   Click Here to Email capri man     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i sincerly hope that i was wrong sally. hope everything works out for you frin grrl!

------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-7.51 @89mph 1/8
1.54 60 ft.

http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/billswebsite/pg06.html

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Ken&Shell
Gearhead

Posts: 696
From: Mocksville, NC
Registered: May 2000

posted 10-03-2003 09:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ken&Shell   Click Here to Email Ken&Shell     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to hear about this Melanie. My advice to you is to have a list of people to call when the need to call him gets overwhelming. I would add as many people as I could to that list. Talk about the weather, football, cars, oprah, whatever... anything but him.. Have one truly great friend, and that's the one person you allow yourself to talk to him about.

If he needs space, give it to him. Let him know you can live your life without him. I know how incredibily hard it can be. I am facing a similar situation as well, but it has been a lot longer than 6 yrs and a we have two kids involved. I'm not sure it gets easier but you get tougher.

Feel free to add me to your email list. I would be glad to listen objectively. And I dont believe every one out there is "scr*wing someone else". Sometimes, we just wake up and find that we want something different from our lives, or we wake up and realize we dont know what we want. Life is tough. Marriage and relationships are even tougher. Hang in there girl..


Shell

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-03-2003 10:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ken&Shell:

Feel free to add me to your email list. I would be glad to listen objectively.

Shell


Thanks a lot Shell I appreciate that. I know we are lucky that Kids are not involved, only me to worry about and I know you are right. Still hard though when you believed deep in your heart this was the one up until the second he said the bad news.

Thanks a bunch, will keep in touch. Hope your situation gets sorted too, the same sentiment heads your way too. I may not post often but I check in a lot.

Take care
Melanie.

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Keahi73
Gearhead

Posts: 455
From: San Carlos, CA, USA
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 10-03-2003 11:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Keahi73   Click Here to Email Keahi73     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I 'm sorry I don't have any terrific advice to offer you, other than what Shell said! I know it's corny, but he'll come to you when/if he is ready. In the meantime, you've got us (albeit long distance) with plenty of virtual hugs and plenty of support. Utilize that special friend/relative and call them instead of him, when the urge to hear his voice becomes overwhelming! I'll be thinking of you! **hugs** I hope things get better for you soon!

------------------
68 Mustang Fastback-"Elvis"
55 Ford F100- Panel-Volare IFS, 351C
Pictures of Elvis!-(Under folder Elvis our 68 fastback)
Pictures of the panel project!
East Bay F100 Elites Forums

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george brown
Gearhead

Posts: 122
From: solomons MD
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 10-03-2003 02:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for george brown   Click Here to Email george brown     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
CapriMan is probably right- he's probably got someone new and is just trying to let you go without as little trauma as possible. Forget him and move on...

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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 35449
From: Saco, Maine
Registered: May 99

posted 10-04-2003 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere   Click Here to Email SteveLaRiviere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to hear of your pain, Sally. One thing I learned a long time ago is not to try to make someone stay when they want to go, it just delays the inevitable and drags you through more pain. I also learned not to take someone back if they leave and want to return. That roller-coaster game is pure hell. The best cure for a dead, tired relationship is a new, exciting one! It's amazing how your life can change in just a day.

I've never had a door closed on me that I wasn't happy about later on, once I had a more clear perspective.

I wish you happiness!

------------------
'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '70 Mustang Convertible - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150

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jsracingbbf
Gearhead

Posts: 2003
From: Batesville,MS. , U.S.A.
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 10-05-2003 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for jsracingbbf   Click Here to Email jsracingbbf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Miss Melanie, You are doing the right thing. if you love something set it free, if it loves you it will come back to you.

I know I didn't coin that phrase but it is the truth. I know it doesn't make the hurt any better. Shell had some really good girl advice. Hang in there and by all means HUGS.
JS

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johnmustang
Gearhead

Posts: 4930
From: British Columbia , Canada
Registered: Nov 2001

posted 10-05-2003 09:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for johnmustang   Click Here to Email johnmustang     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do the best you can and take it one day at a time, DO NOT self destruct and feel that you are a bad person. Sometimes things just don,t work out and people grow apart, look to the future and take the good out of this relationship leave the bad behind and carry on with your life and as time goes by it will get easier. We have all been there and it sucks but it is life. Do not try and replace your lost love but look to improve on it and look towards a happier and more stable and loving partner than the one that just dumped you. It will be a tough road at first but your friends will help you down that road and before you know it, you will be able to travel that road alone until you meet your true soul-mate.

------------------
JOHN
65 2+2 FASTBACK
87 TAURUS WAGON
98 F150 XLT TRITON V8 4.6, 4 WHEEL DRIVE
Member:Vancouver Island Mustang Association
M&M #1710
MyPhotoPage
MY TRUCK

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BarrysGrrl
Gearhead

Posts: 1531
From: Illinois/Indiana & parts inbetween
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 10-05-2003 09:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BarrysGrrl   Click Here to Email BarrysGrrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And this too shall pass.


Fate has a very funny and cruel way of working us through it. There is a reason for everything - good and bad - that happens to us. Hold on to all the good things you had, and grow from the negative.

And most important thing to know: We are here for ya!

------------------
Beth
Head Cheerleader for Moneymaker Racing!

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." - Henry Ford (for Alex)
Alex & Beth's Homepage
MoneymakerRacing.com

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-06-2003 04:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks to everyone who replied with supportive remarks, you will never know how much I appreciate it.
Sometimes it is just easier to talk to people who are not involved.

So Thanks again and I will try to post a much chirpier post next time!

Thanks again.
Melanie

------------------
UK Stang-Grrrrrl!!!
1967 Candy Apple Mustang Coupe. (Sally67)
1986 Chevy Blazer S10

Sally67 pages

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Ked
Moderator

Posts: 8216
From: Fayetteville, N.C.
Registered: Jul 99

posted 10-10-2003 09:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ked   Click Here to Email Ked     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Melanie,
Sorry to hear of this and sorry to be so late in replying!!!

Hang in there, GRRL! I agree with Shell...the less available you are to him and the more elusive the more he will realize what he let get away.

Then, when he does make that realization, it will totally have to be up to you as to whether or not you want to take him back.

But, you gotta remember it will always have that "what if he does it again" cloud hangin' around.

So, you gotta decide in your heart if it's worth the heartache to go through again.

Know you have friends here.

Let us know how everything turns out.

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Ozian
Journeyman

Posts: 10
From: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Oct 2003

posted 10-15-2003 08:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ozian   Click Here to Email Ozian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow Mel, I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles. As you know I went through a breakup/divorce about 2 years ago, and while it was a devestating experience at the time, things have a way of coming out for the better in the end. Keep your chin up and stay proud!!

As others have said, running back or trying to win him over again isn't usually the best solution. It can just end up postponing the inevitible. I went back/took back my ex on more than one occasion, but it never really solved anything or got rid of the underlying problems and/or reservations in the relationship. That's been my experience, for what it's worth.

For me, the final meltdown of my previous marriage has led to me finding a wonderful woman who I love with all my heart, and truly believe that I will grow old with her by my side. I am happier than I've ever been in my life, and have an open and honest relationship like I've nver experienced before... all because of a failed relationship.

It may seem dark and grey right now Mel, but sunny skies are just around the corner!! Things WILL get better, and time does heal all wounds. Lean on your friends and family when you need, but also pick yourself up and get out there. It's a big world... you never know what you're going to find!!

Lots of love,
Ian

P.S. Email me at any time Mel!! [email protected]

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kwazykat
Moderator

Posts: 6471
From: ...a wonderful place to be.... orange county... NC!!!! M&M member #92 .... a blue-oval GRRL-deluxe.....
Registered: Jun 99

posted 10-16-2003 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kwazykat   Click Here to Email kwazykat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sally67:
Yours depressively....


i know it sucks when these things happen.....

but like everyone has said
things happen for a reason
and you WILL be all-better
it just takes a little while to get through it......

my biggest two-cents:
ALLOW yourself to wallow in the pain for a little while.... dont ignore the hurt.... and when you are tired of being full of self-imposed-pity ..... pull yourself up and get back in touch with who YOU are .... you without the other person..... you alone.... you with all the sweet time in the world to do what YOU want when YOU want to at YOUR convenience!!!!! yah!! make it a great thing.....

being alone does not mean you have to be a lonely grrl!!!!! being alone gives you a lot of perspective to make a decision about who you want to invite into your space.....

breathe
breathe
breathe

embrace
embrace
embrace

my next two-cents:
start writing your heart feelings at nite before sleep time .... get the words out of your head and on to some paper ..... it is great therapy .....

you are a fantastic person
now.... GO ENJOY YOURSELF.......

email me anytime grrlfrinn
much love across the water
kk

[This message has been edited by kwazykat (edited 10-16-2003).]

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-20-2003 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Once again Thank you all. Your advice has been digested and filed and I am doing ok.

Moving on with my life and looking forward to my holiday to Florida in May.

Taking each day at a time......
Thanks again!

xxx Big Hugs xxx

------------------
UK Stang-Grrrrrl!!!
1967 Candy Apple Mustang Coupe. (Sally67)
1986 Chevy Blazer S10

Sally67 pages

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Billy Mac
Gearhead

Posts: 304
From: S.Ga
Registered: Aug 2003

posted 10-20-2003 06:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Billy Mac   Click Here to Email Billy Mac     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Florida in May is a pretty good treat to yourself........enjoy it AND life with Gusto.....Good luck and best wishes to you in your future...........

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capri man
Gearhead

Posts: 3953
From: doerun, ga.
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 10-20-2003 07:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for capri man   Click Here to Email capri man     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
billy mac and me might just meet you down there for a cup of coffee, or a dr pepper for billy!! where in fl do you go??

------------------
mike r
racing is real
everything else is just a game.
81 capri-7.51 @89mph 1/8
1.54 60 ft.

http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/billswebsite/pg06.html

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sally67
Gearhead

Posts: 111
From: Wroughton, England, U.K.
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-21-2003 04:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sally67   Click Here to Email sally67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by capri man:
billy mac and me might just meet you down there for a cup of coffee, or a dr pepper for billy!! where in fl do you go??

We are going to Madeira Beach nr St Johns Pass. It would be nice to meet any fellow M&Mers! I am going with my family. Parents and sister. We get on really well so should be good fun. Dad and I hope to get out to some night racing. Never been to a night drag race, will be good.

Melanie

------------------
UK Stang-Grrrrrl!!!
1967 Candy Apple Mustang Coupe. (Sally67)
1986 Chevy Blazer S10

Sally67 pages

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Ponygirl67
Gearhead

Posts: 1017
From: Vancouver Island, Canada
Registered: Nov 2001

posted 10-30-2003 09:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ponygirl67   Click Here to Email Ponygirl67     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh Mel.......I am so sorry. I haven't been here for a while, so I have missed this post until now....chin up girlie and you know if you need anything we are here for ya!! There isn't much I can say that hasn't been said already, except just know we love you and are here if you need absolutely anything ok?? Talk soon doll........

------------------
'67 Prowler Purple Mustang Coupe and new addition.....
'89 5.0 LX
The Mustang Stable
Upper Island Mustangs and Fords

YOU NEVER REALLY LEARN HOW TO SWEAR, TIL YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE...

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christang
Gearhead

Posts: 123
From: Colliers, WV, USA
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 10-31-2003 12:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for christang   Click Here to Email christang     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Melanie...I don't frequent the computer all too often, but my wife Christine does, and I came across your post here.

First, I am sorry to hear of your break up, as 6 years is somewhat of a longer term commitment, and makes it pretty rough to handle.

Second, take it as a learning experience...I went through the same thing after dating a girl for 6 years in my younger days of 18-24, and when we broke up it was somewhat of an empty/change feeling. Time will change that feeling.

The good thing about it was that I ended up meeting the most incredible, wonderful, kind hearted girl, that I couldn't believe was true...AND SHE LOVES MUSTANGS!!! Yep...married her 27 years ago and still going strong!!!

Just hang in there!...christangs husband, gunrocker

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