yer a romantic guy....
thats sooooo very nice.......

kk

I can't believe how many guys blow off this holiday. My god, you can buy flowers in GAS STATIONS, you don't even have to go out of your way to bring your lady a little joy! I don't mean any offense by this, but why do you tolerate it? I sure wouldn't.

Alex and I just had a discussion about this as I wavered whether to write this or not, and he said something very poignant:
"It's not that I like Valentine's. I do what I do because I know it's important to you. And you don't EXPECT the gifts, the flowers, but you DESERVE them, and it's a good reason to give them to you."

I am curious, did you grrls give your guys anything? Alex was also showered with cards and gifts from me. And the dogs, too. I see Valentine's as going both ways, guys buy for grrls, grrls for their guys. Am I off base here?

I am not judging anyone, just surprised that two very strong women have had a very painful experience this week and haven't let their guys know how much it hurts. For what it's worth, I wish this holiday would go away, because I believe it causes 10 times more pain for many then it causes pleasure for the few who truly get to enjoy it. Guilty of being a part of the latter group, but I still feel for those left out.

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Beth
Head Cheerleader for Moneymaker Racing!

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Stuart
MCA #48902
M&M #1091
67 stang 5 speed, 351W,
Edelbrock Performer RPM package

To me, Valentine's Day is like Christmas, I couldn't care less if we never had another one. But every once in a while a guy has to realize they are not the only person in the world and that their lady {or 'significant other' if they are a gm guy} needs a little token of affection just to feel like she isn't part of the furniture.

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'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150

quote:

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Originally posted by jsracingbbf:
I took Vikki out to eat Steak and Shrimp and I bought her a card and some candles from this candle shop she adores. I spent $30.oo bucks tops. Hey I figure that's no biggie since I ordered a driveshaft ($400.00) and shocks ($350.00) last week... now everybodies happy

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My way of thinking is ALL GRRLS are special and aren't really that much trouble. I am so glad my daughter isn't a boy. LOL I tell her BOYS are BAD! I know this because I am one. I can tell what they are thinkin' I got Lynsey ballons for V-day, sent them to her school. Of course this does alot to impress Mom too.
I got some Sweet tarts and a card. I made out like it was a million bucks

Hey I'm hung in there what can I say?

It's very difficult for me to put in to words the indecision I have over this. And Stuart stating he couldnt pick out a card because of the impending doom in his marriage so he let his daughter pick one out definately hit home with me. Sometimes I wanna scream at my hubby and say.. Wake up before it's too late. Then another part of me tells me it's probably already past that. And I keep telling myself, what are they learning if they dont see the love and affection they should see in a marriage. SO it's very much becoming a no win situation to me.

And believe me, he knew how mad I was about the dinner incident. But it didnt seem to have much effect on his behavior. And we ended up doing nothing. We did not go out with his friend and wifey. I refused to go. I cooked dinner and spent time with my boys and acted like he didnt exist. And I used to go all out buying him things for valentines and his birthday and it did Nothing to improve what I got so I quit. Sometimes I feel like I am on this fast spinning merry go round. I so badly wanna jump off but I know it's gonna hurt like hell when I hit the ground.

Just this grrl's perspective.

I was divorced before. I married real young the first time, 19, and I learned all the mistakes with that one. Boy did I learn!

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'70 Mustang Mach 1 - '72 Mustang Sprint - '94 F-150

Am I an expert on this? No, but I feel like it at times after being divorce 4 times. I have tried to learn something new about myself each time and to change the things I could for I can change me, but no one else can change because I want them to change.

Shell, may I ask your ages?

I have a feeling that I understand your plight. I felt in some of the past marriages that I was the only one giving (in) and the others weren't. This may have been an illusion but even today, I feel it is the truth and I am not the same person I was when I divorced each time for I have made changes in me.

Enough of my rambling....Just remember....if both feel it is worth saving, save the marriage but it is going to take two and one party can't do all the changing nor giving (in)....If it isn't worth saving, then you have no choice...for I don't believe in keeping it going just for the kids...my kids turned out okay....and in the end, both came to live with me...they know...they feel things...they aren't unaware as you hope they might be.

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Larry

No fast Fords at this time but one fine cruising 96 F350 CC DRW Power Strokin diesel.
And one rusty 64 Fairlane nick-named the Rust Bucket....And sometimes called the Money Pit...

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'67 Prowler Purple Mustang Coupe
The Mustang Stable
Vancouver Island Mustang Assosiation

I will never tell anyone what to do in their love life, and I am sorry if I made anyone feel defensive of their relationship. I was just saying what I would tolerate and not . . . easy for me to say since I know I will never have those issues in my relationship with Alex.

But it was not that long ago that I was in a very thankless and unromantic relationship. I could have stayed, tolerated, but I didn't. I also didn't have as much invested in it as many of you. So for me to leave, there were many many less strings to untangle. It was painful, not very much fun, but short term pain for long term gain. I am so exstatically happy now, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that was based on "tolerating" one another. But I had been, so you have my complete understanding.

Counseling is the best way to start our towards healing. I wish you all the very best no matter what decision you make. We only get one shot at this ride called life, and we have to make the best of it~ :-)

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Beth
Head Cheerleader for Moneymaker Racing!

When my daughter picked out the card, I let her pick a silly one, made it a game for her to get the goofiest one.

My marriage started out good, until the tenth year anyway, the last 4 have been hell, we still get along with each other, but pretty much have our own interests and activities. I guess that keeps us from spending too much time together. There comes a time when you have to lead your own life and let the rest take care of itself.

My current mindset is to do everything I can to be sure my daughter is as happy as possible, she means more to me than anything.
Even more than my own happiness.

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Stuart
MCA #48902
M&M #1091
67 stang 5 speed, 351W,
Edelbrock Performer RPM package

If you are unhappy in your situation....sit down and talk with your daughter and ask her what you should do...it sure sounds like you have the relationship with her like I do with my kids....she knows more than you might think...and she wants you to be happy as you do also for her...

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Larry

No fast Fords at this time but one fine cruising 96 F350 CC DRW Power Strokin diesel.
And one rusty 64 Fairlane nick-named the Rust Bucket....And sometimes called the Money Pit...

And while giving him something early in the morning to ensure I get something doesnt sit well with me. I want to receive a gift because someone gives a damn about me enough to pick up something. And I could care less if it was just a pack of 25 cent gum. I would even settle for a huge hug and someone to say, You know I really do love you and want you in my life. I really feel there is nothing more I can do. I have given and given til I am sick of it. I'm tired of doing everything in this world for someone who acts like they expect it from me.

Well, I really didnt mean to get this personal either. This isnt something that happened over night. It has been headed down this path for many years now. And those who know me personally know that I have struggled immensely with it. And I know I have the power to change it, but there's a part of me that feels it's selfish to want out. And I struggle daily with it, sometimes down deep, and sometimes right on top of the surface. And Beth, Cherish that relationship that you have with Alex. Love is a two way street and takes two committed people. And there's a world full of people that just dont get that concept. I for one am hoping that I will one day have that as well.

Shell

As far as counseling goes, when one of the people is in denial about the situation and isn't truthful with themselves or the counselor it is a waste of time. Been there and done that.

Good luck to you.

What is wrong with being selfish for yourself at times?

What is wrong with wanting to be pleased, whether by yourself and/or by another?

I see nothing wrong with these as long at it doesn't go to the other extreme.

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Larry

No fast Fords at this time but one fine cruising 96 F350 CC DRW Power Strokin diesel.
And one rusty 64 Fairlane nick-named the Rust Bucket....And sometimes called the Money Pit...

Our brain makes us the most powerful living creature on this planet and separates us from the animals. Love is not just a feeling, an emotion, but when we are in relationships for as long as many of us have been in, it's also a decided upon effort we have taken on day after day.

You are all in relationships you choose to be in. You choose to stay or go. Some could argue that you can choose whether you are happy or miserable (I say sometimes you have no control over your happiness). Whether you stay or go is utimately a decision. With reasons none of us could ever understand. AND I RESPECT EVERYONE FOR MAKING WHATEVER CHOICE THEY MAKE! You have your own life to live, your own level of happiness to satisfy, and your own God to kneel in front of at the end and say "Well, I did the best I could."

God bless you all in your relationships, happy or otherwise. It's your life, it's your call.

But know this (the most important part of this whole rambling) no matter what, your M&M family will be here for you!!!!!!! With open arms and tons of love and support!!

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Beth
Head Cheerleader for Moneymaker Racing!

quote:

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Originally posted by SteveLaRiviere:
Have you tried counseling? Sometimes an impartial third party really helps if both parties are open to it.

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Oh yeah....right...and guess who is always expected to make all the changes????

PHAAAA!

quote:

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You are all in relationships you choose to be in. You choose to stay or go. Some could argue that you can choose whether you are happy or miserable(I say sometimes you have no control over your happiness).

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BarrysGrrl

I take exception to this as I have gotten older. I use to think that others could make me happy but I have since learned differently. I must first be satisfied with myself and maybe happy too, before others can help me be happier. It took me a number of years and as you can read above, a number of marriages to find this out.

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Larry

No fast Fords at this time but one fine cruising 96 F350 CC DRW Power Strokin diesel.
And one rusty 64 Fairlane nick-named the Rust Bucket....And sometimes called the Money Pit...

The sounds of a brain dropping into gear.....
"Buzzzzzz.......Click"

quote:

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Originally posted by Just Strokin:
Stuart.....

If you are unhappy in your situation....sit down and talk with your daughter and ask her what you should do......

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You are the only one who knows what you can bear...Make your own decisions then discuss with your children

You can easily be swayed by outside opinions, some of which are good but many are bad...and later...you can blame ONLY YOURSELF for your decision, be it good or bad...

Tally - Your Personal Psychologist
Phone BR-549

quote:

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Originally posted by Mustang Tally:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Just Strokin:
[b]Stuart.....

If you are unhappy in your situation....sit down and talk with your daughter and ask her what you should do......

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You are the only one who knows what you can bear...Make your own decisions then discuss with your children

You can easily be swayed by outside opinions, some of which are good but many are bad...and later...you can blame ONLY YOURSELF for your decision, be it good or bad...

Tally - Your Personal Psychologist
Phone BR-549

[This message has been edited by Mustang Tally (edited 02-25-2003).][/B][/QUOTE]

I agree with you Tally, by the way, I tried to call my personal psychologist and all I got was a guy from Hee Haw. I guess BR-549 must be a popular #.

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Stuart
MCA #48902
M&M #1091
67 stang 5 speed, 351W,
Edelbrock Performer RPM package

I proably didn't say that right, but I do believe that she should have an input into what you do. She has to feel comfortable also for she will have guilt feelings if you don't talk to her. It was years before my daughter finally told me she felt she was part of the cause in my div, which could have been cleared up by talking with her.

So I hope you still love me...I wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings for anything..

Well, maybe for an all expense paid trip to Hawaii or Tahiti or something like that !!

quote:

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Originally posted by rm302 boss:
I am not married yet (Aug) but i have all ways done some thing special on the 14th.. This year i got Laura a doz red roses and a Day at the spa... If you guys have never done this for your wife i highly recommend it.. She will come back as a completely different person. well.. er.. same person but, very relaxed and will just float around the room... Its generally a day of being waited on hand and foot... Pamperd to an extreme... I ordered like $900.00 bucks in car parts the next day and she was fine with that..
HINT... HINT....
I hope for the best for all of you and hope you find happiness.. Or it finds you...
Rene

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Oh my god!!!! If a guy did that for me I would let him order 900 bucks worth of tools too.......what a great guy you are!!!!

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'67 Prowler Purple Mustang Coupe
The Mustang Stable
Vancouver Island Mustang Assosiation