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Author Topic:   Tool guide
SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 21832
From: Saco, Maine USA
Registered: May 99

posted 02-28-2002 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere   Click Here to Email SteveLaRiviere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

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'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC

MCA Member # 47773

I once asked a man: "Who art thou, that ye may pass judgment upon others?" Then he added $75 to my fine...

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mellowyellow
Gearhead

Posts: 3592
From: So. Fl.
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 02-28-2002 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mellowyellow     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Where would we be without vise gripas!!

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Mike65
Gearhead

Posts: 1400
From: Columbia,NJ, USA. 65 Fastback, 69 Coupe MCA #-04549
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 02-28-2002 10:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mike65   Click Here to Email Mike65     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL Good ones Steve!

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Mike & Robin
65 Mustang Fastback
69 Mustang Coupe
87 LTD CV
96 Ranger Extd Cab PU
99 Explorer Sport
M&M #- 890
MCA #- 4549
www.mike65.mustangsandmore.ws

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SteveLaRiviere
Administrator

Posts: 21832
From: Saco, Maine USA
Registered: May 99

posted 03-01-2002 08:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SteveLaRiviere   Click Here to Email SteveLaRiviere     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bastard file -- Where you keep mental notes of some of the people in your or your wife's family, some of the people at work, bosses, etc...

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'70 Mustang Mach 1 M code 351C 4V/FMX/3.25 open
'72 Mustang Sprint Coupe 351C 4V/FMX/4.30 Trac Lok
'94 F-150 XL 5.8L/E4OD/3.55 Limited Slip
'97 Probe GTS 2.5L DOHC

MCA Member # 47773

I once asked a man: "Who art thou, that ye may pass judgment upon others?" Then he added $75 to my fine...

IP: Logged

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